What to say...

This post will be dedicated to what you should say in a variety of different circumstances. One may not know what exactly to say when your children's grade school is shot by a military jet, or even what to say when you flatulate in front of your employees.

... when you have killed your wife and you are on trial for it.
- I was fishing, and the hair in my pliars is not hers. And on top of that, the inusrance policy I have on her isn't THAT big.

... when you inadvertantly fall of your chair at work.
- I had balance problems as a child too.

... when you are caught by your mother looking at pornography.
- I truly love the human form, and although I have never had any sexual experience, it sure does look like fun.

... when you shoot at a grade school from you military jet.
- I was given instructions from my superiors to shoot at anything that apeared to be a terrorist hideout. The monkey bars outside looked like a bomb, I had to shoot.

... when your roommate walks in on you watching Sweet November.
- Keanu Reeves used to be really cool. I just think it is wrong to stop supporting an actor because he currently sucks.

... when you have fallen and you can't get up.
- ehuahauuhahuahuah, I've fallen and I can't get up.

... when you fart in front of your employee(s).
- I am having some lower gastro-intestinal problems today.

... when you want a large t-shirt.
- I'll have a Grande Cotton, no room.